! Decide

FYI for those of you who want to pick up this hobby.

              de·cide/diˈsīd/Verb.Come to a resolution in the mind as a result of consideration.

Now and again I feel the need to come here. True I can maintain a diary for all my random and berserk ideas and save you guys some trouble, but what fun would it be? Plus, it feels good when I get thumbs down for my post - its an indication for me to move on from my 'current' madness.

The theme of my rantings today is decision making. If I could help it, I would just become a robot and let someone govern me. Decisions - every day, every second and each one of them of consequence. Leave the dinner choices for now, and you are still stuck with more questions than you can answer.

Decide what I like and what I don't. Decide if I should go get a job or am I are good in school. Decide whether I value my sleep more than my work. Decide if I value my work. Decide if I like my work. Decide if my not-so-fat paycheck is plenty. Decide if I am okay with others making more moolah then me. Decide if I care about money. Decide if I am okay with being just another one in the crowd sweating it out for money. Decide if I should set new goals for myself. Decide if I will care about these goals one year down the line. Decide if quitting my status quo would be too much trouble and I should just stick around. Decide if I care about the 'loser' tag my friends will attach to me if I do leave. Decide if I have it in me to change the 'loser' into a 'winner'. Decide if I care enough to stick to my goals and the change I just made. Decide if my gut feeling is the way to go. Decide why no one else sees eye to eye with me. Decide if everything I do is 'worth it'. Decide if it anything is 'worth it'. Decide if anyone is 'worth it'. And finally decide how often I want to make these decisions. Because even though I indulge in 'overthinking', if there exists such a thing, even after a lot of consideration, my pea sized brain is often unable to reach conclusions. Tired and worn out, it just goes off to sleep waiting for a new day to begin. And on those days of rare clarity, I decide that the only thing that matters is being in action. Comprehending and acting of everything else is more than my abilities.

On a related note, you might find this talk by Noreena Hertz interesting.

Too Big For His Baby Shoes!

We all change with time, and the oft asked question is if the change was for the better. The change has to be for the better because its the quality of life that matters, not its length. A lily blooms and makes this world a better place just to wither away as the day fades. But the important thing is that during those hours of sunlight, it brings a shine in the eyes of so many passers-by.

Thats what my normal posts sound like - philosophical and questioning. I might have pointed you guys to a poem by Benjamin Johnson about aging right too. But I am not in that mood today. I am not going to ask you what defines "better"  like I usually do. This post is more of a confession note. I am planning on rambling on as long as I can write sanely.

I always thought that I gave people space to grow, accepted them for what they were and grew with them. But apparently thats not true. And what made me realize that I was living in my dream world -my kid brother! I know its not appropriate to call him a "kid" anymore and he is probably going to kill me for doing this. But as I told you, till recently I was in a different world and I am trying my level best to stay in that world. 

In that sweet and perfect world, he was still a kid I could wrestle with (and probably bruise him badly!), pester him, teach him things (obviously I know more than him!), kiss and hug him without embarrassing him, flaunt all the "grown up" things I got to do, show off sitting behind the wheel and narrate "cool" stories about hostel and college life. Shouting and yelling at him was my birth right!

Alas! I can't do that anymore. No Sir, I cannot! I was informed of this by a piece of writing that emanated from his head. As years passed by, I saw him grow in inches (both vertically and physically!), but ignored it. This piece of paper, and the ink on it, was surprisingly difficult to ignore though. The words reflected the dilemma of a starry-eyed teenager trying to get understand life. He probably (still!) believes that good things always happen to good people and that world is his stage. But what do I know, I still have the image of a three year old boy playing jig-saw stuck in my head! The young man who stays in my house, with my parents is just a doppelganger of my cute, little baby brother, who had the sweetest smile and was so shy to even utter a word!

And that is where I stood five years back, and that is where he is positioned now. At that time I thought I was all grown-up and ready to experience life, and I guess so is he now. I haven't spent much time with him for the past five years, and I truly regret that. After all, I lost those last few chances when I could have beaten the living crap out of him (Yes! I totally could have!). I haven't seen him in the past one year, and he stands taller than me right now. I don't want to enter a fight with him now - god knows if I'll come out of it in a one piece!


Gone are those days I could sell my BS as knowledge (I have done that far too many times!). Oh and I need to think of cooler nicknames for him - the old ones are going to be far too embarrassing. On second thought, I should do that just to see the look on his face (and that on his friends's faces *chuckle*). I could probably still yell at him, my high-pitched shrieks drowning his deep croaks! And now that he is entering that golden period, the most fun age, I only wonder how he is going to change. Four years of college changed me in a big way. I still have to decide if I was better off earlier. But that doesn't change the way I feel right now. I dread to see the man that comes out at the end of this period. And yet I am anxious to see that guy, to see what he will make of himself, and all that life will present him with. 

But come on, how bad can it be? Hopefully he'll have great friends beside him in this journey, the same way I did, to paint the town red. All the best kiddo - surprise me once again!

Its over folks...

Its my last day as BITS student, last day in Bangalore, last day at HP Labs...

There was a nice farewell organised for the interns here. Very sweetly, we were told the important role that BITSians play in the research setup here. Importance of BITS and BITSians is obvious when you sit with 20 people out of which 9 are BITSians and rest are interns. I don't know if this is good or bad- the loss of individuality.

But BITS has given me a lot, and for that I am thankful. The thing about BITS is that it has shown me the path. It has been the guiding torch and the stepping stone. This is why it will continue to hold a special place irrespective of what the future holds for me. It has made me what I am today. I have learnt from my teachers and from my peers. I have made relationships I will cherish for the rest of my life. I have met some brilliant people. As I graduate, I carry with me a part of BITS. Right now, there are mixed feelings. I am proud to have BITS as my alma mater. But I will miss it a lot, at least in the near future.

PS: I am gonna be an Engineer, and a graduate from BITS Pilani - still can't believe it!!

But it Rained

Its raining in Bangalore. Actually this is the third time this week. The weather is so good, I want to shift my computer next to an open window. With a cup of hot tea on my table, I want to enjoy the cool air and the mild fragrance of wet earth which I so love.

I have just come back from the cafeteria, having lusted after the overcast skies, wet roads and newly washed trees for around an hour. A thousand memories- images from yesteryear's flashed in front of my eyes in this past hour.

I remember how my mom used to scold me for playing with friends in pouring rain. It used to be so good, surely gross, to jump in puddles of water. Finally when mom managed to get me inside the house, I would be sneezing and she would push me inside the hot shower with a towel and a change of clothes. That hot shower would remove the chill from the body and a cup of hot chocolate would be waiting for me on the table. I would pick it up and stand on the doorstep. Some tiny drops would bounce off the side wall and land on my face.

While preparing for IIT JEE in eleventh and twelfth standard rains used to be a welcome break. A reason for me to take my nose out of the book and take in the sweet smell of first rains. The scorching summers of Delhi used to make it even more special. I would sit on the entrance to the garden and see the grass slowly disappearing in the waters. The leaves and branches of the trees would relieve their parching throats, bending and submitting themselves to the heavy downpour. Sometimes, overwhelmed, a branch or two would break and fall down on the street. And I would just ask mom for some samosas, cheela or pakoras. It would refresh me for another week to be spent inside my room with my books.

And now, I am sitting in an enclosure which does not even have windows to enjoy the view. This centrally air-conditioned building has glass walls and no windows. The only place where I can sit and enjoy is the cafeteria at the other end of the building! Still I find my own ways.

I have always enjoyed the rains, and will continue to do so. In the present circumstances it will require extra efforts from me, a closed concrete jungle that I am living in. I do not in the least bit mind though - anything for that refreshing feeling and that breathtaking beauty of nature that comes with the rains. It can magically pull me away from everything else around me, and make me forget everything... everything!

REMINISCENCE

AMU - Aligarh

Taj Mahal- Agra

Prayag / Allahabad

Tea Gardens - Jorhat

Thats Tura!!

Bihu - Gauhati

Hawa Mahal - Pink City

Centerstage Mall - Noida

Delhi Metro

Bahai Mandir (Lotus Temple) - Delhi

Sé Cathedral at Goa Velha

Mormugao - Vasco

Brigade Road - Bangalore

I had a chance to experience these places in the last 20 years... all thanks to my dad's transferable job and his daughter's education :)

P.S. Without Google this post would not have been possible. I have borrowed these pics from various sources and I am in no way taking credit for these or trying to generate profits.

Single in the City

BITS happened in the summer of 2005, and ever since I reached Goa I have felt like a nomad. I felt at home at home and also, at BITS - my new home. Before coming to BITS I always traveled with my parents who ensured I was comfortable wherever we went. In BITS, I had many journeys and sojourns, without my parents, and they taught me how to make any place my home. The latest in the list is Bangalore.

Back in December last year, before I left the campus, I knew coming six months were going to be in Bangalore- thanks to PS2. I knew that after spending every single minute I was awake with friends, for the past three-and-a-half years, Bangalore was going to be difficult. without them. Even for someone like me who loves(loved??) solitude. That is the effect college, especially hostel, life had on me.

For those readers who don't understand the closeness and deep bonds of friendship that you develop in college, I don't know how to explain. I can just say, try staying away from your home, away from family after being dependent on them for more than 15 years of your life. Try being surrounded by hundreds of people sailing in the same boat as you. And then try to explain the complications of your day to day (happening?) college life to your family members sitting hundreds or thousands of kilometers from you. Try to stay fresh and alive and happy and perky as you move away from your loved ones. Try it. You will understand. Trust me.

For those who have the experience, well, what can I say, you know the feeling. Those of you reading this, who are still living this rosy period of life, my advice is live it to the fullest. And those of you who are out, you could join me in raising a toast to the days gone by- the golden period of our lives.


Ok enough! I am going off the track... So my campus life is over. It has ended and has brought me to this new stage-Practice School 2. The PS2 program is a weird feature. Actually it is a good entry into the world outside the campus- or a good introduction to the working environment. You are out of college and don't have the option of bunking or sleeping till after midday. You can't or at least wouldn't want to disappoint the host organisation, the BITSian ego in you will make sure of that. Yet, you are not into the corporate world. Unless you are really unlucky, chances are you will have a dozen BITSians for company. Your weekends will still be spent eating out, catching a movie and sometimes sitting on the footpaths (though less often now), with familiar faces. The only change is the background of the image. The objects remain the same.


Now out of the campus, it is a strange feeling of independence. This is the first time I am staying away from the sheltered environment provided my parents or BITS. No restrictions what so ever(except that I need to come to PS everyday!). And I am liking it, as I am sure most others are too. This freedom is even sweeter for my committed friends who can spend more time with their gfs/bfs without the fear of being caught by anyone(of course everyone fears the moral police). There is a lot more for them to do, and many more options to hang out, and more freedom, thus more demands on their time.


So, what happens to me when all my friends are busy with their bfs/gfs? Well, I am alone on the streets of Bangalore(after a point its boring to sit in a 12X12 feet room with three beds). I see many things around me which I hardly notice when I am in a group. I simply love the tiny bird hopping on the wet grass, the small helpless boy in tattered clothes selling tea to get some money for his dinner, the bright yellow shirt a wannabe metrosexual guy is flaunting, the speed at which Honda Civic crosses me, the look in the eyes of the pink faced one year old in his mom's arms, the look of affection in the mother's eyes, the smile on a pretty girl's face as she is busy typing on her iPhone, the assurance of protection that a father offers his son who is firmly holding his dad's hand, the happiness on the face of a young boy of five when his mom gets him a Happy Meal, the fascination on his face when he plays with the toy, the group of people standing on the road to cross the road, in a rush to reach their destinations on time, the guy wearing white shirt and stylish sunglasses at night, waiting for his girlfriend to come and sit behind on his CBZ, the girlfriend who is walking with great difficulty in her high heeled shoes, the last few rays of sun giving a brilliant glow to the sky, the big strong trees disappearing into the darkness of the night, the autowala haggling with two guys for ten bucks...and a lot more.


Sometimes I feel that silence and solitude are the best things in the world. It makes me look at things I often miss in my everyday busy schedule when I am hanging out with my friends. Things outside and inside. I absorb my surroundings better. I just sit at CCD with a book and cappucino. I get to checkout books in Landmark for hours, without having to worry about someone else. I eat what I want, when I want and all I want. I watch the stupidest movie ever made and laugh very hard. I go off to sleep contented in my heart-a weird kind of peace. I don't understand the feeling myself- I wish for more time alone.


And this new city has given me a lot of it, which I have used to reflect upon my past, savour the present and dream of my future. At the end of each day I feel that being a single ain't that bad. At least not in this city full of life and with a head brimming with thoughts.

SPJIMR interview

I had my SPJIMR interview yesterday. My CAT score was poor but XAT score was decent. I have an above average profile and I guess that is why the only MBA call I got was from SP Jain.

My interview was at 3p.m. at IIM Banagalore and I reached there at around 1p.m. I had gone through some forums on pagalguy and read some interview experiences bloggers had posted. There were very few helpful reads, and so I decided I would post my interview experience. Maybe others will benefit from my experience.

SP Jain conducts two rounds. The first round is elimination and the results are declared in 5-10 minutes after it is over. Both, the first and the second round, are group interviews.

In my first round, there were 6 people in my group. But, due to one guy's absence we were five in the room. There were two SPJIMR professors on the panel- a man and a woman. One taught organisational behavior. I can't remember about the other. Both were nice, listening to us patiently, giving us ample time to talk and nodding and smiling at us. That made us quite comfortable. The strange thing was they didn't even ask us to introduce ourselves, just gave a topic for GD.

Topic- What should be government's role for us to come out of recession. Pretty cliched, but even then somehow I could hardly find anything to say. More so, because as soon as I would start talking and make a brief mention of a point, this other guy(for future reference Mr. X) in my group would pick up that point, raise his voice and make us others shut up. I had to stop him once or twice for otherwise I would have been thrown out for not trying to control the situation!! so many complexities. During the GD, they had a look at our profile sheets also ( a questionnaire they had asked us to fill). Next, a 2minute intro and some general questions like why MBA , why marketing and a few others based on our introductions.

Overall, I felt it went OK. I wasn't really confident. Doesn't matter,I did clear the first round. Personally I feel that was mostly because of the second part of the first round- one on one interaction while 4 others are silent spectators as one person blabbers about his/ her career goals, and how he/she has been a great student, has a billion business ideas, has been the integral part of the team and so on...

Jokes apart, it was a nice experience. I interacted with some people who had finished with there second round. Everyone was using one word for it - weird. They were asking people for there opinion on Slumdog Millionaire and if they supported Barack Obama. Few others were asked to define Indian culture, a leader and similar things in a single sentence.

For my second round, there was a panel of two. One of them was a student and the other one didn't introduce himself. I had heard in the waiting/registration hall that one of the panelists was a psychologist! Statistics of the group- 8 people, 2 freshers(both from BPGC- me and Piyush) in a small room which could hardly accommodate so many people. And for my dismay Mr. X was again in my group :| He did his best to interrupt others and kept answering questions meant for others, and when a question was directed at him, he just went on and on and on...

So, the first question- you guys know what a personality trait is right? What is that one trait that describes you best? ... all sorts of answers came up- hard working, diligent, amiable, motivated, inspired yada yada . One guys said he was 'gregarious'. The panelist actually asked him the meaning and if the people around him understood this particular word when he used it !

Next up, So what do u think are the traits of a leader. Some fools gave totally different traits from what they had associated with themselves. The next question was obvious. Do you think you can be a leader, especially as you do not have the one trait you think is most essential for a good leader? Mr X. was one of those who had made this blunder. It was so funny to see him try and explain things in his verbose manner. Actually similar thing happened to me... though I think I handled it better than X. We were discussing Narayan Murthy and Leander Paes as leaders in the corporate world. Next came Anil Ambani and this one word 'enterprising' just didn't strike me. I settled for 'adventurous' - not a bad option, but Piyush definitely bettered it with 'enterprising'. For some 5 odd minutes we discussed the meaning of a cultured individual... I still don't know the different points that arose from the discussion!

It slowly turned to hobbies and interests from there. 6 people had described their hobbies in as passionate words as possible. Piyush was the 7th and I was the 8th. In three crisp sentences he explained how he had been involved with organisation and thus got to be a part of many activities. One sentence about TT and he was interrupted by the panelist. He asked us if we had heard what Piyush had just said and what was to be taken away from it. He even asked us to summarize whatever he had said. For some weird reason Piyush thinks the guy was being sarcastic when he took note of what he had to say. I feel other way. Anyways, mine was the regular answer... my passion for dancing is well known to all my friends... mentioned sketching and painting and a few more things.

The ending was the surprise- the panelist asked the student from SPJIMR, who was sitting next to him to ask a question! The question- While in a group, we try to conform. Conformity leads to reduction in quality of output. So would you choose to be a perfectionist or a conformist? I chose to answer the question first and chose the middle path and so did a few others. It was a unique interview experience- a group interview. The entire thing took around 4 hours and you can't even begin to guess what the panel was looking for!!

Looking back at it, I feel I performed well. I am waiting for the results now, and only then will I know how I performed. And yes, there were loads of BITSians... around 7 I think and one in the same group as me. It made me understand the reach of the BITSians and how small a place the world is, especially if you are a part of the BITS family. I am sure wherever I go from here, I can be assured of finding a BITSian around me. Will never really miss BITS...

I will always have company :)